( The First of many to come- one a week is what I am aiming for)
The recent work around EVAW, focus on sexual violence in conflict #time to act, the incidents of rape and violence at home in India, my work on gender equality and GBV within our humanitarian work has brought me a point where I want to reflect on the journey so far. There is a burning need to document some of the my experiences, growth, learning over the years . I am not sure what the end goal/product would be. But this is where I start with the hope that by the end it might be a way to put the last 15 years in perspective and maybe a road map for the next 15! These are my ramblings for now, a journal documenting the past one day at a time, one change at a time, one compromise with reality and practicality at a time!
In 1999 I started on a journey while I was in my second year of my Masters degree at the Tata Institute of Social Sciences, a journey that will never end for me. As part of our field work placement, I elected to work at the Special cell for women and children. The Special cell for women and children[1] was started in the year in 1984 as a TISS project with the Mumbai Police to work with survivors of violence. I had joined the MA in Social work with the belief that I wanted to work with children, but that year changed the focus of my work and changed me. It forced me to think about myself, my beliefs, the family, community and society I was a part of. The only marathi word that has stayed with me since is ‘ghatasphod[2]’, it is a word that even when I hear it now, I can see a mental image of explosion within the household. Of parents fighting, children terrified, scared and cringing, of violence in the relationships which are meant to be the safest and most intimate.
That time, that place, the people there, made me explore in both a personal and professional way what gender equality was, deconstruct it , break it into pieces and look at through the lenses of my own life over the 20 years that had preceded that time. It made me dig deep within and without to understand violence again women and children, relationships, family.
What kind of father would rape his 5 year old daughter and say ‘mera beej hai, me phal nahi phele khauga to kaun?’ [3]. To try and understand how a woman who was beaten black and blue and could hardly move without pain will still ask us to help her go back to the person who had inflicted that violence on her. I studied the theories that went to explain these personal stories- the cycle of violence, battered woman syndrome, and others.Some of my first reading were, Against Our Will: men, Women and Rape by Susan Brownmiller, Our bodies Our selves, the feminine mystique, Battered women by Walker, In a different voice, the beauty myth and numerous other books that took me through a world of feminist history, theory, the struggles and milestones in end violence against women. I devoured books by Simone de Beauvoir, Maya Angelou, S. Brownmiller and numerous others.
I lived mostly in my head for those two years, the love lives of my friends, the drama of college escaped me, the memories that my friends have from that time are different from my memories. I dont have a clue who was going out with whom, which were the cliques. But I can still recall faces of clients, conversations with my supervisor about the work and what I was witnessing and seeing. I can recall the anger and passion that seemed to take me over and say this is what my life will be about, I cannot live in a society that condones and tolerates violence, this is the change I want to contribute to.
My faculty guide during this time was Ms. Anjali Dave. She got me fascinated with Law, Psychology, the power of language, education, research, sociology, history. Because the personal is political became my mantra, it has defined the way I have lived my life and worked for a long long time. So the first post is dedicated to you Anjali Maa'm for starting me on this journey all that time ago.
From Gaziantep, Turkey
[1] http://download.tiss.edu/fap/RCI-VAW/RCI-VAW_Publications/Because_the_Personal_is_Political.pdf
[2] Divorce
[3] A statement made that has stayed with me, since it was my very first case working with a survivor of child sexual abuse.
The recent work around EVAW, focus on sexual violence in conflict #time to act, the incidents of rape and violence at home in India, my work on gender equality and GBV within our humanitarian work has brought me a point where I want to reflect on the journey so far. There is a burning need to document some of the my experiences, growth, learning over the years . I am not sure what the end goal/product would be. But this is where I start with the hope that by the end it might be a way to put the last 15 years in perspective and maybe a road map for the next 15! These are my ramblings for now, a journal documenting the past one day at a time, one change at a time, one compromise with reality and practicality at a time!
In 1999 I started on a journey while I was in my second year of my Masters degree at the Tata Institute of Social Sciences, a journey that will never end for me. As part of our field work placement, I elected to work at the Special cell for women and children. The Special cell for women and children[1] was started in the year in 1984 as a TISS project with the Mumbai Police to work with survivors of violence. I had joined the MA in Social work with the belief that I wanted to work with children, but that year changed the focus of my work and changed me. It forced me to think about myself, my beliefs, the family, community and society I was a part of. The only marathi word that has stayed with me since is ‘ghatasphod[2]’, it is a word that even when I hear it now, I can see a mental image of explosion within the household. Of parents fighting, children terrified, scared and cringing, of violence in the relationships which are meant to be the safest and most intimate.
That time, that place, the people there, made me explore in both a personal and professional way what gender equality was, deconstruct it , break it into pieces and look at through the lenses of my own life over the 20 years that had preceded that time. It made me dig deep within and without to understand violence again women and children, relationships, family.
What kind of father would rape his 5 year old daughter and say ‘mera beej hai, me phal nahi phele khauga to kaun?’ [3]. To try and understand how a woman who was beaten black and blue and could hardly move without pain will still ask us to help her go back to the person who had inflicted that violence on her. I studied the theories that went to explain these personal stories- the cycle of violence, battered woman syndrome, and others.Some of my first reading were, Against Our Will: men, Women and Rape by Susan Brownmiller, Our bodies Our selves, the feminine mystique, Battered women by Walker, In a different voice, the beauty myth and numerous other books that took me through a world of feminist history, theory, the struggles and milestones in end violence against women. I devoured books by Simone de Beauvoir, Maya Angelou, S. Brownmiller and numerous others.
I lived mostly in my head for those two years, the love lives of my friends, the drama of college escaped me, the memories that my friends have from that time are different from my memories. I dont have a clue who was going out with whom, which were the cliques. But I can still recall faces of clients, conversations with my supervisor about the work and what I was witnessing and seeing. I can recall the anger and passion that seemed to take me over and say this is what my life will be about, I cannot live in a society that condones and tolerates violence, this is the change I want to contribute to.
My faculty guide during this time was Ms. Anjali Dave. She got me fascinated with Law, Psychology, the power of language, education, research, sociology, history. Because the personal is political became my mantra, it has defined the way I have lived my life and worked for a long long time. So the first post is dedicated to you Anjali Maa'm for starting me on this journey all that time ago.
From Gaziantep, Turkey
[1] http://download.tiss.edu/fap/RCI-VAW/RCI-VAW_Publications/Because_the_Personal_is_Political.pdf
[2] Divorce
[3] A statement made that has stayed with me, since it was my very first case working with a survivor of child sexual abuse.
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